Wow - I thought I'd create a blog to send out to the ether to vent about my issues and discovered all the names I was thinking of using are already claimed. Someone else is invisible, there is also an invisiblemom out there. I had to add a 10 to metherapy to finally get a name that was free.
I am thinking this is cheaper than paying an actual therapist, but I do feel the need to communicate (the word "say" wasn't working) what is bugging me, haunting me, scaring me, depressing me.
But I don't want to communicate to anyone I know.
I am supposed to the be the strong one, the rock, the steady hand on the tiller (note the "mom" in one of my name tries).
My daughter tells me Facebook is not the place to vent - true if I don't really want people to know how much I'm hurting. I find it hard to read all the gratitude posts right now (it is getting close to Thanksgiving) - so many are things I don't have. I'm about ready to unfriend a couple (well, one) person who is always posting great things going on in her life. I am happy for her good fortune, but gloating is unwelcome.
I have found I can fight the depression with my efforts to be creative and productive. The sadness is harder to deal with.
Is this cliche? I'm an unloved wife.
Ouch that really hurts to write. I've been thinking it, but to actually write it - ouch.
I'm married to man who probably has Asperger's Syndrome. You'll have to google it, if I just try to explain it - it'll sound like every other insensitive jerk and you'll trivialize what I'm experiencing.
He thinks he probably has it too, so it's not just me name calling. I apologize to other Aspy's out there - it is very hard for me a very "regular?" person ( a woman who needs affection and some attention) to live with a Aspy.
Most of the time I can communicate and work around the situation. It takes longer to explain things because he gets hung up on precise language or certain words. He does not understand when I'm having a sensitive moment and need to be left alone. He absolutely cannot hug me or kiss me without prompting - and then it is a stiff reluctant kind of touch.
He'll fixate on a particular topic or opinion and talks it to death! Argues it regardless of what research or reality may have to say on the topic. Everything somehow relates to that particular idea however remotely.
OK - I was not going to describe it, enough said.
I want this blog to just talk to myself and work through some issues. He isn't the only one, but the one most painful right now.
I don't usually whine and am not interested in any comments from anyone telling me to get over it. This blog isn't for you. The only reason I put it on the net is because no one I know will find it, or recognize me. A journal here at home could be be discovered. I'm not ready to shatter the thin ice right now.
It is important to keep the waters calm a home - a least a little while longer.
